Thursday, May 31, 2007

Operation Queen Camilla

Public opinion indicates that 90% of the populace do not want Camilla to become Queen. This operation is highly risky. The public can be quite fickle and Diana sentiment is still strong. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to make Camilla Queen. Should you get caught, we will disavow your actions. You may dispose of this tape in the usual manner. Or this tape will self-destruct in five seconds. *Pooof*[Tape disappears in a cloud of smoke]

Location: A palace somewhere in London.

The Queen, Prince Philip and Prince Charles sit at the table and open their dossiers. They pull out 8 x 10 autographed glossies of Ingrid Seward, Matt Lauer, Ferne Cotton, and James Whittaker.

Prince Charles: I want to see Camilla be crowned Queen beside me.

The Queen: I think it's too soon to discuss Queen Camilla. Look at all the time it took for her to be accepted as your companion and then your wife. We need to take this slow, launch a careful media campaign. At minimum get James Whittaker on board.

Prince Charles: That ghastly man!

Prince Philip: Don't you think we should test the waters? start with Princess of Wales and see how that goes?

Prince Charles: Both of you are always against me. Don't you understand. I love her and I want to make her my queen.

The Queen: Charles, don't play the 'blame your parents card'. We're getting off topic here. Where's Prince Harry? Shouldn't he be in on this meeting?

The group look up to see Prince Harry, suspended by a cable, dropping from the ceiling. He stops and hovers just above the table.

Prince Philip: Glad you could finally make it.

Prince Harry: Is there something I can help with?

The Queen: Yes Harry, we need you to go out and distract people. Get into a fight with someone. Break up with Chelsy..or something like that.

Prince Harry: The things I do for England!

The Queen: That will be all Harry.

Prince Harry tries to retract the cable but gets stuck.

Prince Harry: Can someone help me down from here?

Later on, at another palace in London Prince Philip, Prince William, and Prince Harry meet to finalize plans.

Prince Philip: You must infiltrate the offices of Majesty magazine. Ingrid Seward writes a monthly column, which this month will be anti-Queen Camilla. Make sure you edit it put a positive spin. Here is the equipment you will need for your mission: Commemorative china, your Coronation medals and a trained monkey. Prince Harry, make sure to bring Chelsy's watch, women like it when you wear their gifts.

Prince William and Prince Harry gather up their equipment.

Prince Philip (with a tear in his eye): Good luck boys.

To be Continued.

© Marilyn Braun 2007


Virginia Lee said...

I thought of your blog when I read Page Six in the NY Post today and went looking for it at AW so I could share the link. How funny it is that you posted what you did today! And since you like post-Victoria royal history best, you'll totally understand the full ramifications of the Page Six item.

Marilyn Braun said...

"[Camilla] comes from a family that has, in the best sense of the word, been servicing royalty for many generations."

That's a nice euphemism. It doesn't sound like this documentary is going to show anything new. It's pretty common knowledge, at least amongst royal watchers, that her great-grandmother *ahem* serviced King Edward VII. It sounds like this documentary might give us too much information on Camilla's private life.