Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Behold! Top 10 solutions for William and Catherine's current publicity woes

Dear William and Catherine,

It must be difficult to watch as one media outlet after another gleefully roasts both of you. The honeymoon is clearly over, you are no longer the 15 year old boy who can play the Diana card to deflect. In all honesty, it was inevitable and it is only surprising it didn't happen sooner. As the old guard get even older, did you really think you could get away with playing at normal indefinitely? Truth be told, this was a long time in coming and you only have yourselves to blame for this turn of events.

What to do?

As we speak, your PR people are no doubt cowering in fear as you rage on, denying your role in this situation. Not conducive to finding a solution, now is it? Thankfully, I'm an armchair PR expert so I've come up with some solutions for you.

In no particular order:

  1. Deploy your children. Release pictures of George and Charlotte. Or more importantly Charlotte. We already know what George looks like. There is nothing like a picture of a rarely seen baby to distract from your willingness to be a future King.
  2. Get pregnant. Err, I mean Catherine, not you William. Place the focus on the future, not the present. Also, now we can't say you do nothing behind the scenes.
  3. Have Catherine change her hair color. Or cut it some of it off. It doesn't have to be much. Planck length should suffice. Trust me, people will notice and it may even set a trend!
  4. Have Catherine wear a tiara or dig something out of the royal jewel vault that no one expects. Imagine the kerfuffle if she wore St. Edward's Crown? True, Charles will be ticked but oh well. At least Historic Royal Palaces shop will be thrilled with the extra sales.
  5. At your next engagement, give some type of exclusive aside about Charlotte. Is she eating solid foods and reading Shakespeare? Fantastic! If not, make something up. As your grandmother knows, a well chosen comment can do wonders.
  6. Cooperate with the media. Share information with them and look moderately pleasant. Have Catherine make eye contact with the camera and smile. It is not that difficult. Or is it?
  7. Leave the pilot gig behind. Yes, I know you will probably miss the gold sticky stars the media gives you when they make you sound as if you single handedly rescued people. Don't worry, there are plenty of unearned consolation prizes to replace those gold stars.
  8. Fire your PR staff and hire new ones. Or actually listen to the sensible ones if there is anyone left after the purge.
  9. Give up your place in the line of succession and leave it all behind. You do want to be 'normal' don't you?
  10. Do nothing. People will get bored of roasting you eventually. We are also fickle and have short memories. Just look at Charles and Camilla!
Bonus solution: Take a page from your aunt Anne and grandfather, Prince Philip, and just get on with it.

© Marilyn Braun 2016

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