Thursday, September 11, 2014

Move over Prince George, there's a new royal savior in town!

Dear Prince George,

Congratulations on your new brother or sister! (or both, depending on what tabloids you might be reading).

You may not be aware of it yet but big changes are coming. One day you will look back on these halcyon days when you were the royal baby. The mythical royal baby with pleasing features in a £55 Les Petites Abeilles romper suit, slaying republicans by doing nothing more than...nothing. You had the royal shtick down pat.

Now there's a new royal savior coming into town. Unfortunately this arrival means you will have to take a back seat on the world's stage for a while. Before  you throw a regal tantrum, remember that you will one day have all of the unearned glory that comes with being who you are. You will also have whatever is left of the kingdom if this new baby does not save it for you.

If the baby does save the union, he or she will have inestimable bragging rights to hold over you for the rest of your lives. If not, you can beat them up later. Either way, this could also lead to some uncomfortable thoughts. You may wonder...

Why didn't they recruit ME to save the kingdom? I was here ALL along?

I slayed republicans, I can handle Scotland too!

I already knew how to say NO!

Screw 'normal childhood', why didn't you politicize me more?

And once your parents get back from vacation they will have some explaining to do. They may tell you:

'you were napping,'
'the nanny didn't want to disturb you,'
'you looked so tired after slaying all of those big, bad republicans, we thought it best...'

Or they may try to blame YOU: 'we were ready to leave the house but you threw a tantrum...'

While there may be an element of truth to those answers, the simple one is this. Since time-immemorial people love babies. Their helplessness, disproportionate head to body ratio, large eyes...they are blank slates which you can project anything on to. By the time the new baby arrived, you were already your own distinct little person and therefore, less malleable and cooperative. Ultimately, nothing competes with a new baby. In other words, them's the breaks, kiddo!

So for now, enjoy being the royal baby. When your sibling arrives, they will get all of the attention, but you can take comfort in knowing you can always beat them up and pull rank when the time comes.

© Marilyn Braun 2014

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