Lest we forget Diana

Author's collection

Today is the eighth anniversary of Diana's death.

Now that I've reminded you of this, you probably fall into one of these categories:

• You're completely indifferent
• You believe her death was a tragic accident
• You believe that her death was a conspiracy of impressive, strategic proportions - a mission that switched gears effortlessly upon the whim of it's targets - and you won't rest until the truth is revealed.
• You're undecided, weighing the pros and cons of the investigation, not jumping to any conclusions until all of the evidence has been reviewed.

According to Mohammed Al Fayed's website: http://www.alfayed.com/details.asp?aid=148 94% of Daily Express Readers believe that she was murdered, so there is some peer pressure to withstand. Everyone else who reads the Daily Express has made up their minds, why haven't you? You would have to be totally cold-blooded, or a well-adjusted individual who doesn't bend to peer pressure, to just say no.

Regardless of how you feel, it's okay to admit it. Beneath the layer of fashionable denial, you know the truth. Personally my feelings vacillate on any given anniversary of her death. Here is my progression:

• On the 1st anniversary I was disappointed there wasn't more coverage
• On the 2nd, I was further disappointed but realized that yes, life does go on
• on the 3rd, I almost forgot but then I looked at the calendar
• on the 4th, and 5th I don't remember what I did
• On the 6th, I made my pilgrimage to Althorp to visit her grave, buy souvenirs, and to say I'd done it
• On the 7th, I don't remember what I did
• On the 8th, I'm writing this article

So you see, we all deal with grief in our own way. At the moment I have no plans for the 9th but that could change. Maybe once August 31, 2007 rolls around I will finally have decided once and for all. Until that point I await the official commemorative books, china, dolls, stamps and newspaper articles to add to my collection.

© Marilyn Braun 2005

Royal Profile: David Linley

David Linley could arguably be considered the most successful royal of his generation. Unlike some of his cousins who are expected to perform royal duties, he has created his own successful business, by his own effort, talent, and on his own terms.

David Albert Charles Armstrong-Jones, Viscount Linley of Nymans, was born on November 3, 1961 at Clarence House. His parents were the late Princess Margaret, sister of the Queen, and Antony Armstrong-Jones, Lord Snowdon. He has a younger sister, Lady Sarah Chatto (nee Armstrong-Jones) born in 1964. He also has two half-siblings, Lady Frances Armstrong-Jones, born in 1979 and Jasper William Oliver Cable-Alexander, born in 1998.

He bears a striking resemblance to his father, the renowned photographer who goes by the name Snowdon, and he has taken after him by pursuing an artistic career. Although he and his sister grew up within the shadow of Buckingham Palace, unlike their cousins, they enjoyed comparative freedom from the press and public eye. Princess Margaret said of them: 'my children are not royal, they just happen to have the Queen for an aunt.' David's parents separated in 1976 and after the divorce, custody was given to Princess Margaret. However, both children were on equally good terms with both parents.

At first David was educated, along with his cousins at the schoolroom in Buckingham Palace. He went on to a London day school and then a preparatory school. He did not distinguish himself academically and along with his sister, was then sent to a progressive co-educational school, Bedales in Hampshire. David excelled at school in art and woodworking and he went on to the John Makepeace School for Craftsmen in Dorset. He made his cousin Prince Charles, a dining-room table as a wedding present in 1981. In 1982, he and a partner set up their own cabinet-making business. Within three years he had proved successful enough to open a shop, David Linley Furniture Limited now known as Linley. Today, he is a manufacturer of furniture, upholstery and interior design products. He also opened a restaurant called Deals and within a few years he opened a second restaurant. He has written three books and lectured around the world at various prestigious venues.

In 1993 he married the Honourable Serena Stanhope, daughter of a wealthy landowner. They have two children - the Honourable Charles Armstrong-Jones born in 1999, and the Honourable Margarita Armstrong-Jones born in 2002.

© Marilyn Braun 2005

Royal Profile: Prince Michael of Kent

Prince Michael George Charles Franklin was born on July 4, 1942 at the family home, Coppins, near Iver in Buckinghamshire. The last name was in honour of President Franklin D. Roosevelt, who was a close friend and one of the baby's godfathers. His father was Prince George, Duke of Kent, fourth son of King George V and Queen Mary, and his mother was Princess Marina of Greece and Denmark.

One of the guests living with the family at the time noted that 'the Duke seems to love this tiny infant. Every evening, he leaves the table shortly after ten o'clock and carries his youngest son to the nursery and lays him in his cot and stands watching and watching. Nannie told me that each night she discreetly leaves the room, but she can hear the Duke talking softly to him. Perhaps he is unconsciously preparing him for the future.'

Seven weeks after his birth, his father was killed in a plane crash while on active service. After his father's death, his mother raised him, his brother - Edward, the current Duke of Kent and sister, Princess Alexandra, quietly at Coppins.

Like his father, cars and anything mechanical fascinated him. He showed an interest in geography and he was musical, playing the tambourine in the school percussion band. His childhood ambition, however, was to join the fire brigade. In 1951 he was sent to Sunningdale preparatory school, and in 1955 he entered Eton. From there he entered the Army and went to Sandhurst, the Royal Military Academy in 1961.

During his time in the Army he proved himself to be an able linguist. In 1966 he became the first member of the Royal Family to learn Russian and he qualified as a Russian Military interpreter. He joined the Ministry of Defence in 1968, looking after Foreign Defence Attaches in London. He was part of the United Nations Force in Cyprus in 1971, and from 1974-1981 worked in the Ministry of Defence, in the Defence Intelligence Service. Eventually he attained the rank of Major in the Royal Hussars. He has most recently been promoted to Honorary Rear Admiral in the Royal Naval Reserve.

When he retired from the Army in 1981, he began to work full time and he has served on the boards of various companies. In his day-to-day business, he is chairman of his own private consultancy company. Due to his work, the Prince travels extensively on business and has led delegations of British businessmen to China as well as Russia.

Although he acted as a page at the wedding of his cousins, Princess Elizabeth (now the Queen) to Prince Philip in 1947, he does not take part in royal events very often. Unlike his siblings, he does not receive a parliamentary allowance and it was clear from the beginning, and as the second son of a Duke, that he was one royal who would have to earn his own living. However, he has represented The Queen on a number of occasions, including at the State funerals of the Presidents of India and Cyprus in 1977, the signing of the Treaty of Friendship with Brunei in 1979, the Independence Day celebrations in Belize in 1981, and most recently in 2004, for the 150th Anniversary of the Crimean War in the Ukraine. He also regularly attends charity functions.

Prince Michael attracted a lot of publicity when in June 1978 he married Baroness Marie-Christine von Reibnitz, a Catholic and a divorcee. The marriage, although finally approved by the Queen, required him to relinquish his place in the line of succession to the throne, and at first the Catholic Church, because of Princess Michael’s divorce, did not recognize it. As such they could not marry in the church and they had a civil ceremony instead. The Princess was granted an annulment of her first marriage and in 1983 the Pope gave them permission to marry in the Roman Catholic rite; the ceremony took place in the Cardinal's private chapel, Westminister Cathedral. The couple have two children, Lord Frederick Windsor, born in 1979 and Lady Gabriella Windsor, born 1981. Both have been raised in the Church of England and are therefore still eligible to succeed.

A keen sportsman, he enjoys rowing, hunting and squash. He has also represented Great Britain as a bobsleigh driver and was a reserve for the 1972 Olympics. He is a vintage car enthusiast, a competitive rally driver, and he is also a qualified pilot of both fixed wing aircraft and helicopters.

At present Prince Michael and his family live in Kensington Palace.

© Marilyn Braun 2005

Royal Profile: The Princess Royal

On a regular basis I will profile a member of the royal family, past or present, which may not necessarily receive as much notice as the higher profile, glamorous, members. Despite her hard work and tireless efforts, Princess Anne could certainly fit into that description. In the past her caustic attitude, mainly towards the media, has overshadowed her charity work. However, as the years have passed, some now regard her as the monarchy's most valuable asset, after the Queen.

Princess Anne Elizabeth Alice Louise was born on August 15, 1950 at Clarence House. On the day of her birth, her father, Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, was promoted to Lieutenant Commander in the Royal Navy. At the time, her mother was Princess Elizabeth, Duchess of Edinburgh and heiress presumptive to the throne.

When she was 18 months old, her mother became Queen and the family moved to Buckingham Palace. Here she grew up with her older brother, Prince Charles, now the Prince of Wales. The popular images of her as a child show a little girl with blonde curls, blue eyes and gentle looks that belied the reality she was a tomboy, preferring to climb trees than playing with dolls. As she grew older, although the public expected it, she could not fill the role of fairytale princess, preferring to maintain her individuality and regarding clothes as simply a requirement to her position.

She was educated first at home in the palace, then at the age of thirteen she was sent to a girl's boarding school, Benenden, in Kent. She started official duties when she was 18 years old and in 1969 joined her parent in Austria for her first State visit.

At the age of two she was taught to ride by her mother and horses have played a very important part of her life. Through her own ability she is internationally known as an accomplished sportswoman. She herself has admitted, 'It's the one thing I can do well and can be seen to do well.' As a teenager she started to complete in show jumping and dressage events. She has won a number of trophies for her skill as a horsewoman, including the Individual Woman's European Championship in 1971. In 1973 she competed in the European Championships in Kiev and again in West Germany in 1975, where she won silver medals both as an individual and as a member of the British team. She competed in the 1976 Olympics in Montreal on Great Britain's riding team.

In 1973 she married Captain Mark Philips in Westminster Abbey. They had two children, Peter in 1977 and Zara in 1981. In her desire for them to have as normal a life as possible, neither of her children holds royal titles. Her marriage to Captain Mark Philips ended in 1992 and she married Commander Timothy Laurence the same year.

In June 1987 she received the title of Princess Royal from the Queen. She is the seventh holder of this title. In 1994 The Queen appointed The Princess a Lady of the Most Noble Order of the Garter and in 2000, in recognition of her work for charities and to mark her 50th birthday, she was appointed to the Order of the Thistle.

In 2004 the Princess Royal carried out some 599 engagements both in the UK and overseas. She has visited over 70 countries. Much of her travel abroad has been in her capacity as President of Save the Children fund, of which she has been president since 1970. She is associated with over 200 organizations in an official capacity and she also holds honorary rank and appointments in a number of regiments of the Armed Services.

Princess Anne has garnered a few 'firsts'; along with being the first daughter of a Sovereign to attend boarding school, she is also the first to compete in the Olympics, and the first member of the royal family since King Charles I (for treason), to face criminal charges. Her charges, however, were much less serious; speeding and a fine for when her dog attacked two children.

© Marilyn Braun 2005

Here comes the bride..

The hunt for a bride for Prince William has begun! The top contender at the moment seems to be his present girlfriend, Kate Middleton. They seem so happy and so young and so in love and depending on which report you read they plan on getting married. Despite all of the speculation, one must note that William is only 23 years old; merely a pup, and he no doubt would like to 'sow his wild oats'. So, I'm sure we will see a bevy of lovely ladies photographed in close proximity to him, whether he wants them in the frame or not. We will never know the true status of the relationship as royal prince's are not usually photographed touching their girlfriend, so the first we are likely to know about an engagement is when it's announced.

When the time comes for him to choose a wife to bear his children, she will probably be from the upper classes, wealthy, aristocratic and well bred. The options for marrying in his status level are limited. Unlike the good old interbred days, royalty no longer seems to marry royalty. Today people would gasp in horror if he took off with his cousin, Lady Gabriella Windsor, gorgeous as she is. So should things not work out with Kate, I have compiled a list of potential candidates. In no particular order:

Britney Spears - just thought I'd throw her in there since they supposedly emailed each other. Unfortunately, now that she's married, she out of the running. Of course if she happens to be divorced by the time William seriously considers settling down, she may once again be a consideration. Princess Britney does have a nice Barbie doll ring to it.

Christina Aguilera - her version of God Save the Queen would blow the corgis right out of the room

Mary Kate or Ashley Oslen - Maybe they could sub for each other when they're ill. When Prince William does walkabouts he would have one for each side of the street.

Hillary Duff - Didn't she recently play a princess in a movie? What better preparation than that? A modern day Grace Kelly with her own clothing line.

Princess Theodora of Greece - not a bad looking girl and already familiar with the ins and outs of royalty.

Princess Madeleine of Sweden - Beautiful girl, maybe too beautiful. They would be so dazzling together we wouldn't know whom to look at.

Crown Princess Victoria of Sweden - the royal power couple of the century.

Charlotte Casiraghi - daughter of Princess Caroline of Monaco. Beautiful but Catholic. Maybe she would consider converting to the Church of England for him.

Princess Leia - He might even get his own action figure.

Chelsy Davy - Prince Harry's girlfriend. The royals do have a precedent of a bride marrying the brother when her fiancé unexpectedly dies.

For versatility, this list can also be used should something unfortunate happen to Prince William. Just change out Chelsy Davy's name with Kate Middleton's.

© Marilyn Braun 2005

The Makeover of Camilla

Seeing recent photos of Camilla, I have to say I'm speechless. Once again, the transformation of Camilla is striking; she looks lovelier the more I see of her. For her birthday she was granted her own coat of arms. Search online and you will even find Camilla impersonators; the ultimate compliment. You know you've made it when you have an impersonator. The unflattering photos, clothes, and the rotweiler comments are now history.

We are no longer throwing bread rolls at her; we are breaking bread with her.

But regardless of how she looks, the fact remains is that the royal family needed Camilla. Would we really be paying attention to Charles' engagements if it weren't for her? Instead of being threatened by the attention on his wife, maybe Charles now realizes her value. President John F. Kennedy realized and even acknowledged it: "I am the man who accompanied Jacqueline Kennedy to Paris, and I have enjoyed it". *Sigh* if only Charles had taken this attitude during his marriage to Diana. Had there been no Camilla, the stamps and souvenirs for Charles' coronation would have looked slightly off. Do we really want a commemorative mug with Charles' mug on it? At the time of his mother's coronation, she had the advantage of youth to hold her own on the china. If the handsome Prince Philip appeared with her it was even better. Charles doesn't have that, if he ever did. Camilla, like Diana, generates an interest, a "what is she going to wear" curiosity. Still finding her legs as the newest recruit, Camilla has a down to earth quality that people seem to like and appreciate.

The makeover of Camilla did not happen overnight. From 1999, when she made her first public appearance with the Prince of Wales to the present, it occurred gradually, under the radar, while people were distracted by the comparisons to Diana. It was complete by the time their engagement was announced. Now she is being complimented and lauded for her fashion sense and naturalness. Camilla positively glowed with happiness and I admit that until the wedding, that was the most beautiful I'd ever seen her.

It really is too bad that it took so long for people to notice. Seeing photos of Camilla in her debutante phase she was a very pleasant looking young woman; not particularly remarkable but attractive in her own way. Now as the wife of the heir to the throne, she is regarded differently. She did not have the benefit, like Diana did, of having youth on her side or the lack of a 'past', a Cinderella story in real life. But before she became a princess, Diana herself could not have been considered to be classically beautiful. She was attractive in a dewy, youthful kind of way, but there was no indication of just how glamorous she would become. In his bachelor days Prince Charles seemed to have a preference for gorgeous blondes and Diana simply didn't fill that mould when she appeared on the scene as a gauche 19 year old. The media helped make her beautiful before we and even she believed it.

Renowned for her beauty, her glamour and royal wife or not, Diana would have fought off the inevitable aging process with all of the botox ammunition at her disposal. According to her brother, turning 40 would have been traumatic for her. She too would have made her 40's and beyond look great, but at the cost of high maintenance. Now Camilla, stepping on to the world stage in her fifties, has the advantage. No retrospective of youthful photos to live up to. She doesn't need to hide her wrinkles; she's earned them. Broken in, so to speak, she appeals to the mature demographic of women once relegated to ads for Geritol, Freedom 55, and anti-wrinkle serum. She isn't a threat and she makes being (almost) 60 look great. One has to wonder though, if Diana were still alive, would we be saying all of this good stuff? Clarence House regards Camilla as a trump card with the potential to fill the Queen Mother's vacant pumps. Probably a relief to Camilla, and already half way there age wise.

We do have double standards for women - in our youth we are prized for our looks but once we get older we are not prized for our experience. This article isn't meant to go into those details but I think that's particularly true in Camilla's case. People wonder what Charles could possibly see in Camilla, how he could have traded Diana in for an 'older model'. In our own cases would we be able to stand up to such minute scrutiny? I'm sure we're far less kind to ourselves when we look in the mirror. Once again, she could appeal to the women out there comfortable in their own skin; Princess Everywoman. But makeover or not, eventually we will see the formal airbrushed photo of her wearing the tiara, priceless jewels and full evening gown. It's only a matter of time.

© Marilyn Braun 2005

Royal Christenings

The purpose of a royal christening serves, much like the christenings everywhere, as an introduction of the child to the Church. In the case of an heir to the throne, the religious significance is, perhaps greater than usual as the British Monarch, is the head of the Church of England.

Like royal weddings, a royal christening is a joyous event, symbolizing the continuity of the monarchy. In 1982, Prince William was christened on his great-grandmother's 82nd birthday. Reminicent of an 1894 image of Queen Victoria, her son, her grandson and her great-grandson, the direct succession unquestionably secured. From that point, the image of four generations has occured with the births of Queen Alexandra's great-grandson, George Lascelles in 1923, the birth of Queen Mary's great-grandson, Prince Charles in 1948, and Queen Elizabeth's great-grandson, Prince William in 1982. If the Queen lives to see the birth of Prince William's child, she will be the first sovereign to see the direct succession secured into the fourth generation since Queen Victoria.

There are some traditions associated with royal christenings:

Christening Robe
Possibly the most well known image of a royal christening is the infant in the robe. Made for the christening of Queen Victoria's first child, Vicky - the Princess Royal in 1841, it is an heirloom that has been worn by generations of royal babies. In 1894 the robe was given by Queen Victoria to the Duchess of York (later Queen Mary), all of whose children were christened in it. In the next generation it was worn by the children of King George VI, of Prince Henry, Duke of Gloucester, and of Prince George, Duke of Kent. The children of The Queen and of Princess Margaret were christened in it, and it has subsequently been used for the christenings of all The Queens grandchildren and other Royal babies, including the grand children of Princess Margaret. This robe is made of fine Honiton lace lined with white satin, and like her wedding dress, chosen by the Queen to boost the lagging lace making trade, something that was very much appreciated at the time. As the robe is now 165 years old, it has become fragile, with the movement of various energetic babies. After each christening it is washed gently, wrapped in tissue paper, and placed in storage until the next event.

Usually, royal infants are christened within a few months of their birth, when the robe is more likely to fit. In 1990 Princess Eugenie, at 9 months old, wore the robe and the pictures show her to be very uncomfortable in it.

Venue
Royal Christenings have tended to take place away from the public eye as a private ceremony; no heads of state or other public dignitaries are invited. Princess Eugenie of York, daughter of Prince Andrew, Duke of York, was the first royal baby to have a public christening. This occured during morning service at St. Mary Magdalene, Sandringham, in December 1990. This church was also the setting for the christening of her great-grandfather, King George VI in February 1896.

Unlike royal weddings, the venue for christenings doesn't seem to follow any tradition or pattern, however in recent years the tendency has been towards Windsor, either in the private chapel or St. George's chapel. The most recent one was for Lady Louise Windsor, daughter of the Earl and Countess of Wessex. Several christenings have taken place at Windsor, including Edward VII, George V, Prince Harry and the Earl of Wessex himself.

Buckingham Palace has been the birthplace of many members of the royal family, and it has also been the setting of several christenings, mainly taking place in the Music room. The Queen's three eldest children were christened there, as was Prince Willliam. The Queen and Princess Margaret were christened in the private chapel of Buckingham Palace, which was destroyed during the Second World War. The Throne Room has also been used, namely for Queen Victoria's eldest child, the Princess Royal in 1841.

The Chapel Royal, at St. James' Palace is another popular setting, to name a few of the babies christened there: Lord Frederick Windsor in 1979, his sister Lady Gabriella Windsor in 1981, and Princess Beatrice of York in 1988.

Font and water from the River Jordan

The font used for a royal christening is the silver-gilt lily font, brought from Windsor for the occasion. This was designed by Prince Albert, for the christening of the Princess Royal, Queen Victoria's first born child. The child is christened with Holy water, from the River Jordan, a tradition that dates back to the Crusades.

Christian Names

Unlike most babies, the christening names bestowed on a royal baby tend to be longer and more numerous, culled from family tradition, flattery, and ancestors through the centuries. Queen Alexandra had 6 (Alexandra, Caroline, Marie, Charlotte, Louise, Julia), The Duke of Windsor had 7 (Edward, Albert, Christian, George, Andrew, Patrick, David), the last four paying tribute to the patron saints of England, Scotland, Ireland and Wales. His mother Queen Mary had 8 (Victoria, Mary, Augusta, Louise, Olga, Pauline, Claudine, Agnes). Now the amount of names given tends to be around 3 or 4. In Queen Victoria's time, she expected all of her descendants to bear either Victoria or Albert amongst their christian names. This 'tradition' ended with the birth of the present Queen, she was christened Elizabeth Alexandra Mary. A possible tempt of fate as these are also the names of three Queens.

Godparents
The list of godparents tends be more substantial as well as more illustrious, with royal and aristocratic choices. In the past the usual practice was to honor members of the family, however this has had it's drawbacks. Prince Charles had six godparents, three of whom were so old that they were unlikely to be of any value as mentors or sources of guidance. Today godparents for royal children tend to be contemporaries of the parents.

The Queen and Prince Charles have acted as godparents to numerous children. The Queen has over twenty godchildren, amongst them Charles Spencer, brother of Diana, Princess of Wales. Prince Charles is godfather to Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall's son, Tom Parker Bowles. Her former husband Andrew Parker Bowles is a godfather to Princess Anne's daughter Zara. The late Queen Mother was a godmother to Andrew Parker Bowles himself. It is interesting to note that when Diana, Princess of Wales was christened in 1961, out of the four Spencer children, she is the only one to have no royal godparents.

© Marilyn Braun 2005

Rising to the Occasion

Whatever your thoughts on the royals, or even if you don't necessarily have any thoughts on them at all. Once cannot deny that they rise to the occassion during the most sombre of circumstances. Setting an example to the world on how to look tragedy in the face, while continuing stoicly about their business.

With the soap opera dramas that have swirled around them in the past, obscuring their role and purpose to the nation and in turn to the world. No one does pomp and circumstance better than they do. But when tragedy strikes is when we really notice and depend on their support. The Queen, the Princess Royal, the Prince of Wales, the Duchess of Cornwall, the Duke of York, the Earl of Wessex, Prince William, the Duke and Duchess of Glouchester have visited hospitals, stood for moments of silence, met with the support staff (police, ambulances, doctors, nurses) responding in the wake of the attacks. There have been official memorial services, attended by members of the royal family; in other words, they have done their bit. Far more than most of us, removed from the disasters in the comfort of our own homes and even our own countries. In Canada the media asked people taking public transit if they were worried about attacks, the Minister of Defense has given a press conference, people have signed condolence books. Shocked true, but numb and indifferent. It didn't happen here, it couldn't happen here, or so we think.

Like a good friend we take for granted, dependable but still always there, the royals are expected to respond to national tragedies, not only close to home, but to the rest of the world: like the Tsunami disaster and 9/11. Most public figures are expected, in some way, to respond, but out of all of them the British royals seem to get the most notice. Interesting how the republicans are nowhere to be found in this case, it would not be appropriate for them to show up and hand out flyers; they don't even mention the attacks on their website. Do we see them going to comfort the ill and the infirm, showing appreciation to the response teams? Giving us an economical alternative? It means something to people when the royals listen, meet with them, sympathize, even if only for the moment. While the Republican website hawks t-shirts and teddy bears, requests donations to further their cause, the Queen puts her money where her mouth is.

The royal response to events is not new. One only has to look at WWI and WW2 to see examples that even then they were out in force. Some royals even lost their own, such was the sacrifice, the willingness to do their part. During WW2 the Queen joined the services, the only royal female to do so; the other women having only honorary titles. She did not see combat but she signed up to do her part. Prince Andrew, the Duke of York fought in the Falkland Island wars, his grandfather, King George VI, as Prince Albert, fought in the battle of Jutland, the only British Sovereign to have seen action in battle since William IV. King George V, during the four years of WWI made over 450 visits to his troops and over 300 to hospitals. In WW2, the King made broadcasts, and stayed in the country, thereby sharing in the dangers of his people. The King and Queen visited bombed cities, comforting those who had lost relatives, friends and possessions. They too experienced bombing with their fellow Londoners, when bombs fell on Buckingham Palace and it's grounds nine times during the war.

Today people may look upon them as far removed from their subjects, the republican movement labelling some of their efforts as PR stunts, but I believe their compassion is genuine. This support is something we tend to forget, unfortunately, until the next disaster happens. Not factoring it in the next time we calculate the costs of maintaining them. Why do we forget?

Because it's priceless.

© Marilyn Braun 2005

The Royal Holy Grail

I have a dream. My dream is to come within restraining order proximity of a member of the royal family. Or even on the cusp of breeching security. I've come close but I just seem to have all the luck.

One would think that having over 200 books on the royals (no bragging, there is a point to my mentioning this) would qualify me for a special visit, reward miles, discounts at the official royal store, or at minimum, an inside scoop on their whereabouts. My unwavering obsession with collecting books goes unrewarded. I have to find out like everyone else, through the Internet, checking the official site on a regular basis or the occasional newspaper article.

Two years ago I was in England, in August and the Queen was in Scotland. Windsor Castle had no royals there, however we did see the royal apartments from the outside (and I've got the photo to prove it). During the tour, my thoughts wandered towards the best way possible to scale the walls and get into the Royal Library. I think I could die happy, perusing the private correspondence of Queen Victoria, possibly adding to my already extensive collection of 200 books, periodicals and china. Maybe I could say that I got lost? Pretend to be a mobile library. Those wacky Canadian tourists never know what they'll do!

Since I couldn't find breathing royals, I tried to find some dearly departed ones. Unfortunately even this wasn't possible - St. George's Chapel was closed, the line-up for Westminster Abbey was too long. I did get into St. Paul's Cathedral and I pretended to walk down the aisle, much like Diana did but without the fanfare. A glorious moment for me and an unsubtle hint to my future husband. However, there were no notable royal people buried there. We toured Kensington Palace, which had a nice selection of the Queen's dresses and hats, but that was about it - not minor royal to be found.

Of course I had to go to Althorp, in the slightest possible chance of catching a glimpse of Earl Spencer. This is Diana's brother for the indifferent yet curious; I try to convert people to royal watchers whenever possible. Now I'm easy to please, I would have settled for a hand closing a blind, the waft of cologne, underpaid servants gossiping in the hallway, the Earl on his riding lawnmower. As I toured the house, I noticed that it was spotlessly clean, how do you do that with 5 children? There were personal touches, like family pictures (not counting the dead aristocrats lining the walls), cds and board games. But no dust bunnies, haphazard toys to trip over, or coffee rings on the tables. Do these people even live here? I had to settle for an informative and affordably priced guidebook, some officially sanctioned Diana china, and some photos of us standing in front of the Spencer manse. A picture perfect postcard 'Wish you were here!'

I have to say that I've taken it for granted that the royals will come to Canada. Since I'm unlikely to go back to England anytime soon it's the only chance I have of meeting any of them. I missed the visits in the 80's, Charles and Diana, Andrew and Fergie. So that leaves the Queen and Prince Philip. But they are getting on in age and how many pairs of moccasins can they possibly need? The last time the Queen was in Canada I worked around the corner from the hotel they were staying at, the Fairmont Royal York. When I myself stayed at that hotel we tried to press the elevator button to take us to the Royal Suite, to no avail. Maybe if I'd scaled the walls? Those wacky Canadian tourists never know what they'll do!

I've just recently returned from a trip to Alberta (which I will be writing about in another article) and apparently I just missed the royal visit by mere weeks. Instead, I went to various landmarks and noted the commemorative plaques on the wall (Queen dedicates this, Duke of Edinburgh sanctions that). At the Royal Turrell Dinosaur Museum in Drumheller Alberta, could I have stood in the same spot as the Queen, minus the sensible shoes? I pretended to pull the curtain on the plaque, which she probably gave a cursory glace to; they must all look alike now. I wandered into the Banff Springs hotel, past security and elderly tourists, where the Queen and Prince Philip stayed. The closest I got to anything royal was to observe some photos on the wall of previous visits.

Hopefully Charles and Camilla will visit. After all, they are the next best things. I would give them a warm welcome; invite them over to our house. Of course I wouldn't invite them over just to look at how the other half lives: maybe they could autograph a few items while they're at it, point out factual errors in unauthorized biographies, regale me with family anecdotes. I would laugh heartily and politely while transcribing their comments.

My last and only hope is to live to be 100 so that I can receive an official anniversary message. If I haven't already outlived various ungrateful children and grandchildren who never come to visit, maybe I could guilt them into letting the monarch at that time know of this milestone. With the advances in medicine, if I live to be 105, I would get another message, and every year thereafter (according to the official site). Even celebrating a Diamond (60th), 65th or 70th wedding anniversary and every year thereafter, would entitle me/us to a message. If we reach that special time and either of us live that long, I would be 92. I wouldn't have to hold out for the big 100!

Here's to a long and healthy life.

© Marilyn Braun 2005

Three's Company

Remember when Diana famously said, "there were three in this marriage"?

Camilla could now safely say the same thing about her marriage to Charles The fact that Diana has been dead for eight years doesn't seem to mean a thing. Nope, with all of the conspiracy theorists wedged in the woodwork and people who claim to have her internal organs, Camilla doesn't stand a chance of coming out of Diana's shadow, no matter what her good qualities are.

The ghost of Diana will continue to be a threesome in Charles and Camilla's marriage. For people who are into that sort of thing it might not be a problem, but don't the royal newlyweds deserve a break? It must be a burden to know that every single retrospective and book on their lives, and the lives of William and Harry will include a guest appearance by Diana. I can hear the commentary at William's wedding, not to mention the speculation "What would Diana think?" "Is (insert name of bride here) the new Diana?" Not to mention the tabloid reports of Diana haunting the future royal bride and ominous warnings beyond the grave. Good times...good times...

Don't get me wrong; Diana did a great job, bringing her own style to being a royal lady. She set the bar quite high and no one will ever live up to it. However, I'm sure Camilla will be just as good at kissing babies, shaking hands, and wearing tiaras. Well someone has to do it! Who else is there? The Queen has earned the right to avoid small children except when accepting flowers from them. I'm sure Princess Anne has frightened her fair share, not to mention when her dogs attack them. Sophie tries but just doesn't seem up to the task. Yes, someone has to be the friendly, cuddly face now that the Queen Mother's grandmotherly image is gone. True she's not particularly photogenic but who amongst the roster of immediate female royals are? Now that Camilla doesn't have anyone else’s marriage to destroy, she's completely harmless. A Barbara Bush, except with better jewellery.

She could eventually become the matriarch of the royal family, giving her regal blessings to the younger generation, teaching them the royal wave and which fork to use. Some might say that Camilla is a pretender to Diana's throne, but there was a vacancy so Camilla filled it. She's the Mary Kay of royal mistresses. Camilla will eventually move up the ladder, earning a golden page in the royal history books, while relegating Diana and all of those conspiracy theories to a footnote. We're the only people keeping Diana in their marriage, Charles and Camilla moved on long ago.

When future generations read those history pages, Diana will be like one of Henry VIII's wives who kept her head - what's her name? Maybe Charles and Camilla will become one of those classic love stories, love conquering all; negative opinions, public outcries, even ghosts that don't exist.

May the golden page end in a happily ever after.

© Marilyn Braun 2005

Royal Watch - Day 8

Summary for the day:

• William says royal duties ruining my dreams - Thems the brakes Will!
• Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie of York to be confimed by the late Queen Mother's chapel
• [Padding]
• Prince Charles' old fashioned views blamed for lack of new housing
• [Insert spacing to make the list look longer]
• Everyone still alive
• [Deliberate padding]
• Mounting costs of Diana investigation questioned

Royal Watch Day 7

Summary for the day (actually the past few days. I've been remiss in my duties)

• French woman claims to have Diana's kidney - the ultimate Diana collector's item. But will she sell herself on eBay?
• Prince Charles speech on demolition of historic houses, labelled "biggest attack on the government for several years" - Who knew politicians were so touchy?
• Charles and Camilla appear smiley in public - ahhh to be a newlywed again
• Camilla carries out first solo engagement and little girl gives her a kiss. Never underestimate the PR value of a small child.
• Queen poses for official photo and *gasp* asked to smile
• Harry still in military training
• Diana conspiracy theories revived - as if we could be allowed to forget
• No mortal wounds or sword fights

Royal Watch Day 6

Summary for the day:

• William, the reluctant royal, to carry out first solo engagement in New Zealand
• Paul Burrell to school contestants in royal etiquette for new Australian reality series
• Queen and Prince Philip in Canada
• Royals save millions in property deals for Crown Estates- where can I get a deal like that?
• Charles and Camilla not pregnant

Royal Watch Day 5

Summary for the day

• Everyone still alive
• Andrew plans to sell Sunninghill Park but Fergie won't move out
• Prince William going to New Zealand with a rugby team. Every team needs a royal mascot
• Prince Harry to enjoy romantic weekend with his girlfriend
• Injured knee sidelines Harry from 5k march
• Prince William building future home

Royal Watch - Day 4

A slow day for British royal news therefore I've padded the list by adding extra spacing

Summary for the day

• Edward and Sophie still married - doesn't anyone have affairs any longer?
• Bets on Prince Harry following his uncle Edward's example and dropping out of military training.
• Disgruntled former employee who accused Prince Charles of unfair dismissal and sexual discrimination loses her case.
• Lady Sarah McCorquodale (Diana's sister) might be axed from her position as president of the Diana Memorial fund for Franklin Mint fiasco
• No one pregnant

Royal Watch - Day 3

This is getting desperate isn't it? I briefly thought about upping the ante and going without coffee for it's duration but I'm not that brave. Coffee and this blog keep me going...okay, I admit I have other nutritional sources and I do go outside for some fresh air occassionally.

Today's summary:

• Princess Michael of Kent (aka Princess Pushy) thinking of moving to France. Many people will be happy about this development. Who will I write about it this happens?
• Prince Charles spends time at a monastery in Romania - interesting possibilities but I won't go there
• Harry photo-op with HIV orphans marred by cigarette
• Charles and Camilla go on a real honeymoon in Greece
• 'Cheating' accusations leveled against Harry by 'mentally unstable' former Eton teacher
• Camilla carries out first solo engagement as a royal
• Prince Andrew spends $200,000 (CDN) of taxpayers money on a trip to Russia

Royal Watch - Day 2

Day 2 and still nothing to make fun of:

• Diana fountain reopens with no pomp or ceremony - no canoeing allowed but you can dip your feet in
• Penny Junor writes another book - I don't like her so I won't mention it's title. You do the work finding it.
• Queen's Maundy money sold on eBay by pensioners. Who knew the elderly could be so computer savvy?
• Prince of Wales has his own brand of bottled water, which is outselling the non-regal competition. It's all about the label these days isn't it?
• Harry enters the Army. Lots of potential for a reality series. Where's Paris Hilton when you need her?

Royal Watch - Day 1

As previously mentioned, the royals are behaving themselves. Therefore, I've decided to start a royal watch, every day, until someone in the British royal family does something interesting. I would prefer if it was an immediate member of the family gaffe, but I'll settle for a minor royal if necessary. This is what it's come to isn't it? Desperate times call for desperate measures. So, I will check my sources daily and try to summarize the more ordinary events. One would hope that this royal watch will not last long, but we will never know.

Summary for the day

• Camilla meets some Avon ladies and greets them with 'Ding dong'. Apparently this is well before my time because this didn't happen to me when I sold Avon. I've been called a lot of things but 'ding dong' isn't one of them.
• Queen hosts reception at the palace for 350 Canadians. So much politeness in one room. Apparently this event is supposed to get her "in the mood" for her upcoming trip to Canada.
• Camilla will have three private secretaries. Maybe one will get sacked and write a tell-all book. Fingers crossed.
• Charles and Camilla still married

Ain't Misbehaving

I'm thoroughly disappointed.

I never thought it would happen.

The royals are behaving themselves.

Unbelievable!

For want of anything better to do, I'm checking my sources daily, watching and waiting for the royals to do something foolish.So far, nothing.Before I started this blog I viewed the foibles of the royal family with bemused indifference. I admit that I'm an inveterate royal watcher, however, I only try to pay attention to the big stuff. Birth's, marriages, adultery, divorces, romances. Death is the ultimate royal event, a veritable win-fall of coverage. But it can't just be any royal, it's gotta be the immediate royals, the Big 5 - Queen, Philip, Charles, William or Harry. Anything further down the line gets a brief mention on the CNN ticker tape. Bad choices of outfit, dogs attacking servants, racial epithets in the heat of the moment, they just don't do it for me. I never thought I would say this, but the British royals are practically boring now. One would think that would have never happened, but the day has come.

I'm beginning to think that I need to look towards the other European royals - the Danes, Dutch, Belgians, Swedes, Norwegians, and Monegasques. I don't want to touch the Japanese royals; I would never satirize the emotional breakdown of the Crown Princess. That's just off limits for me. I don't like it when people make fun of my mental issues. I don't have any but the voices in my head say I'm in denial.

But the other royals are behaving too. The imminent births of the Norwegian, Dutch, Danish and Belgian babies are something to look forward to. It’s wonderful news but not particularly funny. Prince Albert of Monaco apparently fathered two illegitimate children by separate women, interesting but until a DNA test proves anything, it's just mere speculation. Personally, I think Prince Albert is rather dull; he reminds me of someone who works in accounting. You know the type, upper management, eating lunch at his desk; works overtime, comes in on weekends, and doesn't take vacations. So maybe the Prince is even happy about this development; it makes him look like a virile, straight, playboy bachelor, with a penchant for one night stands. The secret life of an accountant revealed. Who knew they could be so wild?

Of course there's always writing about the fall-out of these schenigans (I've always wanted to use that word). The naysayers, partypoopers, killjoys, republicans, coming out of the woodwork to predict doom. What do the republicans do when there's nothing to complain about? Do they have meetings? Monthly newsletters? Rotating shifts? Go to royal engagements to recruit new members? I've always wondered about that. Reports of "devastating blows to the monarchy" are as predictable and fill column space much as my mentioning it here does. But we've come to expect it and it's old news. If the monarchy does come to an end would we really believe it? Seriously, would we? I wouldn't want it to end. Where would I get my material? This blog wouldn't exist. I would have no outlet for my skewed way of looking at things. But what if the royals continue to behave themselves? Then what will happen?

I'll become someone in ACCOUNTING

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

© Marilyn Braun 2005

Lunch with Paul Burrell

Paul Burrell troubles me.

Not the kind of troubling thoughts I have when I forget to take my medication, go to work, or pick up my neighbours children from school. No, he troubles me because he just won't go away. I wish people would forget about him. Of course my mentioning him here doesn't help with that, nor does the existence of his website www.paulburrellrvm.com a veritable online love fest tribute to himself.

Lest we forget, he pops up on various reality series', newspaper columns, even his own Broadway show. He recently appeared on the British version of the reality show 'I'm a Celebrity get me out of here" where he had to eat a five-course meal of insects, bugs, worms, cockroaches and kangaroo testicles. A classic moment in television history. Apparently this won him a whole new audience of fans; eating insects is enough to garner anyone's respect and admiration. But I do have to wonder on the etiquette involved in doing this. What fork do you use for the worms? Are the bugs considered to be an appetizer? What would be served for dessert?

I recently came across an article that mentioned a sale on eBay to have lunch with him (note that you may need to cut and paste this link into your browser)

http://www.royalarchive.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=630&Itemid=2

Unfortunately I can't locate it on eBay but apparently the highest bid is 16 GBP (which works out to be about $40 CDN). One would think this is indicative that his 15 minutes of fame is long over. However, it doesn't seem that anyone has told Paul that. He says he does these things in the name of charity, which makes demeaning himself just that much more touching. Above and beyond the call of duty.

Since no one seems to be interested, I would like to offer the chance for people to have lunch with ME instead. You get stimulating conversation and you get to pay for the lunch as well. His lunch offers a 3-course meal and mine offers a 6-course meal at the restaurant of my choice. The charity sponsoring him is also throwing in a stay at a local hotel. I've decided that people shouldn't have to pay for that (unless of course they want to, who am I to decline a free stay) so the lucky winner can bunk on the sofa at my place or (weather permitting) pitch a tent in my backyard. You will need to bring your own pillow and blanket, or air mattress and tent. Who wouldn't want to have lunch with me? I'm a cheap date so you would only have to buy me 2 drinks to get me to open up on the mystery that is Paul Burrell.

If you're the lucky bidder you get:

To hear my thoughts on Paul Burrell
My recipe for chocolate covered cockroaches
2 drink minimum
10:00 am check out from my sofa or backyard
The chance to make me breakfast
My unsigned copy of his book on Diana, complete with verbal review
Bragging rights that you had lunch with me (photo of us together is extra)
Directions to the local bus station

I have to wonder what Diana would think of all of this. Would she have sold herself to the lowest bidder? Of course Paul would need to follow through on the auction otherwise he might lose face. How could he possibly disappoint his remaining dedicated fans that are on a limited budget? I don't have that dilemma, bid whatever you want; a free meal is a free meal. He says he wants to leave the whole Diana thing behind him, step out of her shadow, but will he ever really be able to do that? After all, Diana is his bread and butter and talking about her catapulted him to stardom. Were it not for her he would still be walking the Queen's corgi's. Somewhere, the ghost of Diana is betting on eBay because she feels sorry for him.

Someone needs to tell him that his 15 minutes is up and no amount of kangaroo testicles can change that.

© Marilyn Braun 2005