Pippa Middleton, close your eyes and think of England

Pippa, Pippa, Pippa..

What have you gone and done now? Complaining to your lawyers because some guys with cameras took pictures of you? Seriously what are you thinking? It's been nine months since the wedding. You should be used to the attention by now.

Sure, maybe the guy who shoved a camera in your face went too far. Forgive him, he brought a point and shoot. Smile and don't make it more difficult for him. We grudgingly admit, you are entitled to some personal space. But how else was he supposed to get the story about your pores?

Give the guy a pat on the back for originality. No one has yet to do an in depth expose about the pores on your face. Good that he had the guts to aggressively go after the story. Nominate the man for the pore reporting award. It's citizen journalists like him, moonlighting for a cleaning company, who make the world a better place.

Pippa, what do you expect? You can't have it both ways, you know. If you hadn't worn that sexy maid of honor dress, none of this would have happened. Remember the heady moment Kate asked you to be maid of honor? Really, you should have said no. But you had to go and say yes. Now who's to blame? (Don't look at us!)

Pippa, you need to think of the big picture here. We like you but you need to give us a reason to continue to do so. When you leave the safety of your home and go about your daily life, you make so many people happy. People who write about your fashions, relationships and whatever else it is that you do. It's your obligation to maintain our interest. If I can make a suggestion, mix it up a little by holding a baby or a bag of groceries. The purse and sunglasses are getting old.

But don't you dare complain. It just makes you look ungrateful. Then you unleash your lawyers on the press? Might as well drive a dagger into our hearts. When people write books about you, they will need pictures. If you don't cooperate, what then?

So smile, close your eyes and think of England.

Your future biographers will thank you.

© Marilyn Braun 2012

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