According to the statistics in this article, apparently I'm one of the few people who care about the upcoming royal wedding. There might be others like me, but unlike the author of that article, it would be wrong for me to assume or speak for them. They're obviously hiding somewhere, drowned out by the sea of people who don't care and write articles letting everyone know it.
Could they be just as tired as I am with those articles? Alas no one polls them on this subject do they? If only their voices could be heard. I can only speak for myself, so I've decided to write a list of my own, compiling the 7 reasons why I don't care about people who don't care about the royal wedding.
7. You're a bunch of party-poopers
Yes, it's true. Royal weddings, as we've seen from umpteenth articles on the subject, don't happen very often. When happy news comes around, why not take a moment to be happy for the couple. Sheesh, do you do this with weddings of your friends and family?
6. Though dost protest too much
If you seriously do not care about the royal wedding then why are you writing about it? Taking the time to write about why you and everyone else should not care about these people. Why are you taking the time to make comments? Why did you bother reading the article? Therefore, on some level you must care. Not that I care.
5. There are more important things going on, such as [Insert major tragedy/epidemic/global crisis here]
Yes the world is a big place. Major issues: health care, starving children, Charlie Sheen's next hash tag. We seem to be addicted to bad news. Heaven forbid we actually celebrate some good news for once! But no, too many more important things to think about, right? If this is about priorities then put your money where your mouth is. For instance, did you know that for the cost of that new shiny car/TV/house, you could feed/clothe/buy medical supplies in [insert country here]...
4. I don't care therefore you shouldn't either
Oh yes there are polls that indicate that people don't care. People who took the time to answer questions on an event that they don't care about. Just so that we could know that there are people who do not care in the world. Who knew there were people who don't care about the royal wedding? So? Does this mean I shouldn't care?
3. Turn the dial
Believe it or not there is a button on your TV, computer, radio that allows you to turn it off. If you can't reach it then get someone to do it for you. Turn the dial, even if only for one day. On April 29th why not go and get some fresh air? Visit friends who care as little as you do. Whatever you choose to do, the day is yours. Just stop telling us why you will not be watching or paying attention to the royal wedding.
2. The monarchy is not relevant in 21st century society
Maybe so but what does that have to do with the royal wedding? Yes, they have titles and appear on stamps. Their titles are not important in the grand scheme of things. Especially when there are people like Charlie Sheen to listen to. And not only do the royals have titles they also have to listen to people like you complain about them. I don't know who to feel more sorry for, I really don't.
1. You can't be happy therefore Kate shouldn't be either
You can't afford a fairytale wedding of your own, you're not rich, you will never have a golden page in the history books. You've read about Diana and Fergie and they weren't happy either, proof that the odds are against William and Kate. Do you feel better now?
So many reasons I don't care about your reasons for not caring. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to turn the dial.
© Marilyn Braun 2011
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