Why you should be afraid of Kate Middleton

Long. Sleek. Hidden in a secret location and ready to be deployed at a moments notice. Kate Middleton has now become the most dangerous woman in Europe.

The groundwork was laid with Clarence House releasing some of Kate's childhood photos. Step one in their deliberate, calculated plan for global British domination. I can just imagine the meeting when the decision was made.

Lackey #1: You know that Fergie will strike again, right?
Lackey #2: Don't worry about her, have you seen the headlines about Andrew?
Lackey #1: Right, what do we do now?
Lackey #2: We must think of something...but what?
Lackey #3: Could we send Kate out? Maybe she could visit an old age home wearing a new outfit?
Lackey #2: That was Diana's thing. No, we must think of something else...but what?
Lackey #1: How about releasing some 'rare and unseen photographs?'
Lackey #3: Brilliant plan!

Who can resist adorable photos? Climbing that hill, she displayed tenacity even then. But the tabloids had photos of their own - Andrew with a 17 year old prostitute. What to do? How about sending William and Kate on a surprise visit to Northern Ireland to flip pancakes? First rare photos and now pancakes. Mmmmmmm...pancakes...

Andrew who?

The possibilities for utilizing Kate are endless. Philip says something politically-incorrect? Cut an inch off Kate's hair. Camilla will be queen? Have her wear those black boots again. Charles makes a speech? Have Bruce Oldfield discuss Kate's wedding shoes. Everyone is in on it.

Pay attention to the headlines. At the next scandal she might be coming to a town near you. With no warning because of security reasons. If I were you I would take photos and run for cover.

Now is the time to be afraid. Very afraid.

© Marilyn Braun 2011