The Royal & The Clueless - Episode 8

On the last episode of The Royal & The Clueless Kate, frustrated with William's continuing inability to commit to a wedding date, inadvertently injured one of her co-workers. She narrowly escaped injury herself during a 70's themed roller disco charity event. Kate took a tumble and fell on her back. Caught in limbo with nothing better to do with her time, Kate decides to audition police officers for her royal role should William make up his mind. A man named Frank Farmer, who bears a striking resemblance to Kevin Costner (circa 1992) in his role from The Bodyguard, which won a Brit award for Best Soundtrack, comes into the room.

Kate: Has anyone ever told you that you look like Kevin Costner?

Frank: This is my disguise.

Kate: And why do you think you have what it takes to protect me?

Frank: Well, I know how to roller-skate and I can stop a stapler at 20 paces.

Injured uncredited co-worker a few cubicles over who has just returned to work: Phew!

Kate, still wearing roller-skates carefully rolls over to him and slips. Frank effortlessly catches her and looks deeply into her eyes. Kate also looks deeply into his eyes and starts to sing.

Kate: I will always love you...ooooh...I will always love you...

Injured uncredited co-worker a few cubicles over who has just returned to work: Thank goodness it wasn't a charity karaoke event.

Frank (trying to remain businesslike): Ma'am this is neither the time or the place for songs. Unless of course I have the job, in which case I'm a countertenor.

The injured uncredited co-worker a few cubicles over who has just returned to work stands up, brow furrowed, and looks over at Frank. He approaches Frank and starts to sing the lyrics to All I Ask Of You from Andrew Lloyd Webber's adaptation of Phantom of the Opera, the longest running Broadway musical in history.

Injured uncredited co-worker a few cubicles over who has just returned to work: No more talk of darkness,Forget these wide-eyed fears, I'm here, nothing can harm you my words will warm and calm you. Let me be your freedom, let daylight dry your tears.I'm here with you, beside you,to guard you and to guide you...

Frank: Say you love me every waking moment, turn my head with talk of summertime...Say you need me with you now and always...Promise me that all you say is true, that's all I ask of you...

Kate sits down at her desk and reaches for her stapler.

Did Frank get the job? Will Kate ever figure out how to use a stapler for its intended purpose? Find out on the next episode of The Royal & The Clueless.

© Marilyn Braun 2008