This week, tribe Windsor merges with tribe Hanover. Joining the Windsor's are Paul Burrell and Prince Harry's girlfriend, Chelsy Davy. The tribe descends into turmoil when Paul Burrell tries to ingratiate himself with Chelsy. The remaining members of tribe Windsor are: Prince Charles, Prince William, Prince Andrew, Princess Anne, Prince Edward, and Prince Philip. Now that the tribes have merged, a new tribe called Saxe-Coburg-Gotha is formed.
Chelsy is busy sunning herself. Paul Burrell approaches her.
Paul: (to Chelsy) Did you know I used to work for the royal family? I was Diana's rock..the keeper of her...
Chelsy: Are you lying to me?
Paul: Well, I have been known to be naughty. Can I offer you some of my Royal Butler wine? How about a signed copy of one of my books?...
Chelsy: Go away, you're blocking my sun.
Princess Anne faces a new challenge: Opening the door. Princess Anne goes up to the door, looking at it curiously. She takes a few deep breaths, pensive. She is nervous and gives herself a pep talk before her attempt.
Princess Anne: Just turn the handle and open the door. Turn the handle, open the door...
Unbeknownst to her, on the other side of the door, Prince Andrew is also facing the challenge of opening the same door.
Prince Andrew (wipes the sweat from his brow): Just turn the handle and open the door. Turn the handle, open the door....
Princess Anne and Prince Andrew (frustrated, in unison): Oh bother!
In another part of the castle, Prince Charles has located the kitchen and is preparing to boil an egg. He holds the chicken aloft over the boiling water.*
Prince Philip: Don't you know that you must wait for the chicken to lay the egg?
Prince Charles (to the chicken): I command you to give me fresh eggs.
Prince Philip: (Takes the chicken from Charles) Here, let me do it!
Philip shakes the chicken up and down. Charles tries to grab the chicken back, but it flutters away and runs for its life.
Meanwhile, Prince Edward is still in the loo trying to draw his own bath. The Queen is outside to door, waiting.
The Queen: Edward, open the door, I have to go to the loo
Prince Edward goes towards the door to open it. He looks confused at the handle. He starts to take some deep breaths.
Prince Edward: Just turn the handle and open the door...turn the handle and open the door...
The door does not open
Prince Edward: Mummy I'm stuck!!!
Later on, at Tribal Council, the Queen gathers tribe Saxe-Coburg-Gotha. Prince Philip has failed the child rearing challenge. Paul Burrell has the immunity idol after winning the bed-making challenge.
The Queen: Where's Edward?
Prince Edward: (runs towards the group, panting and sweaty) Here I am, Mummy!
Prince Philip: (to Edward) You're completely out of shape, didn't the army teach you anything?...oh wait, never mind..
The Queen: Tonight someone must go home. It seems there's some dead weight in the tribe....
Chelsy: (sulky) This is so boring!
Chelsy gets up and grabs her sunscreen.
Chelsy: I'm off to Boujis!
On the next episode of Survivor Balmoral, Prince Charles attempts to mop the floor while Prince William cleans up after himself.
© Marilyn Braun 2008
*Note: No chickens were harmed while writing this article.