Friday, April 20, 2007

Survivor Balmoral

Trapped in their home for 39 days with no servants to wait on them, no private secretaries as go betweens, the royals must communicate directly with each other and make their own beds. Through a series of challenges, each contestant will prove that they are the real Royal Survivor.

Day 30

On last week's episode we saw tribe Hanover prevail in the immunity challenge. Currently there is dissention in tribe Windsor, alliances have been formed and broken. Andrew currently has the Immunity Idol after winning the smiling and waving challenge, which Edward failed.

Edward: "Mummy, my arms are tired".

The Queen is not amused, she rolls her eyes.

The Queen: "I've been doing this for 80 years. Suck it up".

Next challenge: Charles attempts to iron his shirts and squeeze his own toothpaste. Without success.

Charles: "I dare say, this is harder than it looks. Where do you plug the toothpaste in?"

Philip: (already brushing his teeth) "You don't know what hardship is really like do you?"

Exasperated, Charles looks for paper and pen to write a memo to his father.

Charles: "This really isn't fair. How are we supposed to communicate with each other anyways?"

Meanwhile, William and Kate Middleton are having a disagreement....

Kate: "Where's the toilet?"

William: "No, it's called a 'lavatory'. Let's spell that together..L..A..V..."

Kate: "Pardon?"

William: "What?"

Later that day, at Tribal Council, the Queen waits for the remaining members of Tribe Windsor. Philip, Charles, Anne, Andrew, Edward, William, Harry and Kate Middleton, meet at Balmoral to vote off the next contestant.

Kate: (to the Queen) "Pleased to meet you."

Everyone glares at her.

Queen: You have come here today because, once again, your tribe lost the immunity challenge against Hanover, why do you think this happened?

Andrew: "I blame Harry, claiming to be sick anytime there's work to be done"

Edward: "Someone should be tested for drugs...."

Charles: "At least he's doing his time in the military".

Edward: "Mummy, are you going to let him say that to me?"

Harry gets up, fists ready. William goes to restrain him.

Harry: "Look William, there's a cheap blonde at the bar!"

William is distracted and lets Harry go. Harry lunges at Edward. Kate phones her lawyers.

The Queen: "Kate, I'm under the impression that you're not suitable royal bride material..some say you're middle class".

Everyone gasps

Kate: "William doesn't you William?...William?"

Philip: (Looks over at the bar) "Does he have his hand on her...."

Kate: "That's it!...I can't take this anymore!"

Kate runs off into the night. The remaining contestants look at each other, confused.

The Queen: "I guess the commoner has spoken!"

On next week's episode:

Charles tries to mow the lawn. And Edward draws his own bath.

© Marilyn Braun 2007

1 comment:

Stephanie said...

Brilliant! I would definitely watch that show. :)