10 tips for Princesses in waiting

Maybe you've applied and been turned down. You think you have the right credentials, but you never know. You can learn from experience, as some former royal girlfriends have done, or you can use this invaluable list of tips. Good luck.

1) Choose your prince carefully. Always aim for the first son, the heir. Lots of benefits there - generous fashion stipend, better jewels, and endless media glorification. Only choose the second or third son if the first is married, you are genuinely attracted to him, and you don't mind his ever diminishing proximity to greatness.

2) Feign interest in absolutely everything he does. He loves Polo? You've always dreamt of learning. Football? Pretend you understand everything going on. Sustainable Agriculture in the Punjab? You're buying your plane ticket as we speak. Specialist Cheese makers Initiative? You'll bring the crackers.

3) Laugh at his jokes. Listen to his speeches with enraptured thrall, extolling his brilliance when it comes to fly fishing in the North Pole.

4) Dress nicely. Even if you can't afford it. Beg, borrow, raid the closets of fashion conscious friends. Of course you could get lucky while wearing your regular clothes and be lauded for your sense of style - fashion that regular women can wear.

5) Smile. The media will hunt you down. An unfortunate consequence of dating royalty, but nevertheless an occupational hazard. Get used to it.

6) Always remember who you are dating. Observe royal protocol. Even Diana had to call Charles 'Sir' until their engagement. Show deference to his mother, grandmother, aunts, uncles and second cousins once removed. You never know who will put in a good word for you.

7) Have no outside interests. Don't go to parties. As a matter of fact, don't leave your house at all. You'll be accused of being an attention seeker.

8) Don't involve lawyers. They'll do nothing but bill you.

9) Never, ever say 'Pleased to meet you' or ask where the toilet is.

10) Hang in there. Camilla waited 30 years and look where she is today.


© Marilyn Braun 2007