Catherine Cambridge is one step closer to sainthood

It's official. Since April 29th, 2011, Catherine Cambridge is the greatest person who has ever deigned to walk the earth amongst us.

We want her nose, clothes, hair, teeth and to get pregnant at the same time. Even her dog is better than yours. Don't believe me? Read this and weep at how inadequate we are in comparison. Thankfully she isn't a full time royal yet, so your work ethic is safe. Just don't get complacent.

Irrefutable proof of
our inadequacy

Everything Catherine touches turns to gold. No one goes shopping like she does. Or holds a cup of coffee with such je ne sais quoi.  she never spills and always recycles. She breathes with an élan that we can only breathlessly admire. When she gives birth, there will be no need to read the news. A star will be above the hospital guiding us to the blessed child, whose receiving blanket will sell out once he/she appears in it.

Catherine will be the perfect mother, or so we will be told. Never shall an impatient thought cross her mind. The child's diapers will be sweet. The contents capable of bringing world peace. Tied with Baby Jesus for halo size and awe inspiring serenity. He/She is already wealthier than you can ever dream of being. But this pales in comparison to having Catherine as the most perfect mother. Ever.

Yes. Catherine is the best person who ever lived. Or so we are told. When it comes to our opinions, there is no middle ground. Those who praise are sycophants, those who are critical are jealous. Only Catherine, high on her pedestal, is above it all. 

We only need to read the news to see who placed her there.

© Marilyn Braun 2013

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