5 Reasons I don't want to be like Kate Middleton

On April 29th, Catherine Middleton walked into Westminster Abbey a commoner and left HRH The Duchess of Cambridge. Thus fulfilling the collective dreams of women waiting to find their own prince. Not to mention all of the impatient little girls who dragged their parents to the Disney store for instant gratification.

Yes, the royal wedding was a glorious, long overdue event. But now that it's over, reality has set in. This author seems to be under the impression that because she is thin and dresses well we all want to be like Kate Middleton. Granted it would be nice to have hospitals named after you, the adulation of the crowds and an unlimited supply of flower bouquets, for the most part I don't envy Kate in the slightest and I don't want to be like her. Here are my five reasons why.

1) No one gets your name right

Her name is Catherine. It was on the wedding programme and it's probably on her birth certificate. Despite this the media seems to want to hang on to the past. Imagine a world where you are called the wrong name for the rest of your life. Irritating, no? On the bright side, in the event of a divorce, no need to tell people your 'new' name because they never stopped using it in the first place. See? There's always a silver lining.

2) People suddenly have a vested interest in your sex life

Royal babies do not magically appear in official photographs. They must come from somewhere, somehow. Sure we crouch the concept in euphemisms such as 'pregnancy', 'expecting', 'bump' but royal babies must be conceived first. And how to we conceive babies? That's right, we have sex. Now if the thought of thousands of people waiting for you to have sex isn't a buzz killer then I don't know what is.

3) Every part of your appearance is scrutinized in minute detail

We all have bad days where no amount of concealer or Spanx makes a difference. Now imagine being Kate. She cannot leave the palace without looking 100% perfect. Even if she thinks she looks perfect she will inadvertently disappoint hundreds of people without even realizing it. People who take her apart for everything: her hair, skin, teeth, weight, shoes, etc. Everything is fair game. Not to mention being photographed from every conceivable angle. For. The. Rest. Of. Your. Life. I don't know about you, but I could not handle that level of scrutiny.

4) You can't eat

Why? See reason #3.

5) Being a trend-setter is hard work

It must be difficult constantly trying to top yourself. Where every decision you make, from the cornflakes you buy to the sushi you eat, is worth emulating. Must be stressful trying to live up to those expectations. Sometimes a girl just wants a bag of crisps without the world waiting to take note of it, okay?

© Marilyn Braun 2011

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