Trapped in their home for 39 days with no servants to wait on them, no private secretaries as go between, the royals must communicate directly with each other and make their own beds. Through a series of challenges, each contestant will prove that they are the real Royal Survivor.
On the last episode of Survivor Balmoral, Paul Burrell won the immunity idol for winning the bed making challenge. Prince Philip had a setback after he failed the child rearing challenge. And Prince Edward narrowly escaped being permanently trapped in the loo. On this episode, the very survival of tribe Saxe-Coburg-Gotha is at risk when Princess Anne faces the challenge of cutting a slice of bread.
The Princess carefully approaches the counter. Four knives lay before her - Table, Paring, Bread, and Swiss Army. Along with them a wooden spoon. She picks up one of the implements up eyes the loaf with trepidation.
Prince Edward: I'm hungry
Prince Andrew: Yes, me too
Princess Anne: (turns towards them with the wooden spoon in hand) Stop it or I'll call Mummy.
Both men are silent. One of their stomachs growl audibly. Paul Burrell sits on a chair in the kitchen, chuckling to himself.
Paul: Need some help?
Princess Anne: Go away
Paul: Well, just thought I'd let you know that you can't cut a loaf of bread with a spoon.
Prince Edward: I can't handle this any longer.
Prince Edward grabs the bread off the counter and starts to savagely tear at it with his teeth. Prince Andrew wrestles the bread from him.
Meanwhile, in another part of the castle. Prince Charles sits beside a mop and bucket. He is weeping.
Prince Charles: (to the camera) I didn't realize it would be this hard. I don't even know which end of the mop to use. (He looks at the mop closer). You know, if it weren't for this monstrous carbuncle of fabric, this might be good for walking in the hills.
Prince William calls from another room.
Prince William: Papa!
Prince Charles: What is it Wills?
William, in a heightened state of anxiety, points to a crumpled piece of paper on the floor. Both princes look at the floor with trepidation. Charles takes the stick and pokes at the paper. Inching it closer to the wastebasket.
William: No Papa, this is my challenge.
William bravely bends down on the floor and starts to blow the paper. It slowly moves. Soon he is out of breath. He sits up, tears of frustration roll down his cheeks. Charles hugs William.
Prince Charles: We'll get through this together.
Later on at tribal council, the members of the Saxe-Coburg-Gotha tribe arrive tired and exhausted. Prince Edwards stomach rumbles. Paul Burrell sits and smiles smugly.The tribe members glower at him.
The Queen: Do you why you're all here?
Paul Burrell: Yes, it's so disappointing your Majesty. But they've tried so hard, with my help of course. May I offer you a glass of Royal Butler wine?
Prince Philip: (looks at Paul) What is that I hear in the distance? the authorities? I think someones looking for you Paul!
Paul Burrell looks around nervously, gathers his wine, and runs for the hills.
Princess Anne: (exasperated) That's no good, he's the only one who knows how to cut bread. Now what are we going to eat?
The tribe members look at each other. Prince Edward sizes up Prince Andrew, pinching him. Stomachs growl audibly.
On the next episode of Survivor Balmoral the remaining members of tribe Saxe-Coburg-Gotha descend into turmoil over the simplest of tasks.
© Marilyn Braun 2008
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