Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Be afraid of the royal baby, be very afraid

Babies. Cute. Some not so cute. Cuddly. Sleeping peacefully occasionally. What harm could they possibly do?

If you're Baby Cambridge. Plenty.

Not yet born and he/she has already taken control. There is no going back.

Is it any coincidence that #royalbaby is the most re-tweeted hash tag of all time? Cup your ear to Catherine's stomach and before you get arrested you'll hear a diabolical in-utero gurgle. Or indigestion.

For the last eight months, in utero, he/she has been devising a plan for global domination. Utilizing 'royal experts' to make generalizations about his/her name, education, future. To build interest, lest we forget about his/her pending arrival.

Only Baby Cambridge knows the truth. And upon birth, all will be revealed.

Sure the pregnancy speculation was fun, intrusive, harmless, invasive. Little did we know the reality of the juggernaut of influence this child will be. The economy, fashion trends, names. This is just the beginning.

Now royal watchers and reporters are on standby, phones fully charged, ring tones on the loudest setting. Anxiously awaiting Baby Cambridge. On the day royal baby is born, legitimate news stories will be obliterated. Anyone who has the power to trend on social media while in the birth canal and make complete strangers with no vested interest rejoice is dangerous indeed.

All part of the plan to have us wrapped around his/her finger. Resistance is futile and there is no escape. One way or another, you will know he/she has arrived. Whether you want to or not.

When Catherine's labor begins, run for cover if you haven't already.

© Marilyn Braun 2013

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