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| Temple at Althorp |
20 years ago, late at night, August 30th, I was flipping
through the channels and came across pictures of the tunnel in Paris. Continued
watching, I think it was Brian William’s on NBC and he mentioned Diana had been
in the crash. After that there was no turning off the TV. I watched the
coverage as it unfolded, so to speak. At one point, I think, Tom Cruise called
in, denouncing the paparazzi and how it was only a matter of time before
something like this happened. I’m paraphrasing but that is what I remember.
At one point Brian mentioned that people were in the tunnel taking
pictures. He didn’t say paparazzi, it sounded like gawkers in the tunnel taking
photos, which I thought was incredibly odd. This was before smart phones. When,
if you took a picture, you had to wait until the film was developed a week
later before you saw what you had captured. Why anyone would take photos of such a scene? If it had happened now I
would understand. Everyone wants to be a citizen journalist but back then?
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| Alma Tunnel |
Here is what was known at the time I tuned in. Dodi and the driver were
dead. Miraculously, two people were still alive – a bodyguard and Diana. Of course
Diana was the big story. The news made it out to sound as though it was, not
minor, but not deadly. But as the broadcast continued her injuries sounded more
serious. And I started thinking. What if she doesn’t die? What if she is badly
injured? Paralyzed, confined to a wheelchair or in a vegetative state. What
kind of a life would she lead? Given the interest in her, her life would become
even worse. Paparazzi wanting to get the picture of Diana in that state. After
all, later they were trying to get photos of her dead body. Imagine if she was
no longer the beautiful princess everyone had come to know and love. And I
found myself thinking, this is a terrible thought, but true. I would love for
her to be alive, for William and Harry to have their mother back. But maybe, if
she is a shadow of her former self, she
would become such a grotesque curiosity, If she dies, maybe it is better that
way. Terrible, right?
I was riveted to the coverage and when Brian William’s announced she had
died, it was just shocking. I grabbed one of my books about her and leafed
through it. It wouldn’t bring her back but I could look at photos and pretend.
I guess.
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| Alma Tunnel |
I woke up that morning and went out and bought all of the newspapers.
Throughout the week I bought every magazine I could get my hands on. I think I
went in to the local convenience store so many times the owner knew me by name.
I still have all of them. Waiting for my children to eventually throw them out
when I’m not looking. Yes, I collected everything. Stamps, coins, plates. I
wanted proof that I had experienced this moment. I recall listening to the
radio and hearing bells tolling and starting to cry. I wasn’t the only one.
At the time I worked at a hospital that Diana used to be patron of.
There was a remembrance book for people to sign and I remember one girl coming in
and spending a lot of time signing the book. Crying as she wrote. I didn’t
speak to her, given my interest in the coverage it was surprising, but I recall
it to this day. I didn’t have a blog at the time so I couldn’t share my own
feelings with anyone else.
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| Alma Tunnel |
During the week I continued to collect what I could get my hands on.
Then the funeral, wall to wall coverage. People crying as the cortege went by.
The flowers on the coffin with the ‘Mummy’ card. Elton John singing Candle in
the Wind. I even bought the CD of the song. You couldn’t escape the coverage,
it was everywhere. And, to be honest, I didn’t want it to end. I wanted to
continue experiencing the moment. This was our JFK moment. We would always
remember where we were when we heard the news. Just like 9/11. But when her
coffin drove though the gates of Athorp, it was over. Or so we thought at the
time.
I’ve been to Althorp, seen the Oval Island. Seen the temple with the
cross. My macabre thinking is I don’t believe she is buried on that island but
we will never know and it doesn’t make any difference does it. I bought plates
and books, and visited the Diana exhibit. One part of the exhibit had rose
petals on the floor and home movies were playing and watching her, so young and
carefree, it made it sadder.
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Oval Island where Diana is buried
Althorp |
I continued collecting books and memorabilia, until years after she
died. As the 20th anniversary approached, book-a-zines came out,
photo books. People, Hello, Time. And 20 years ago I would have collected all
of it. Now, I have bought ONE. I guess I have become cynical or realize I have
run out of room. They have the same pictures. The same anecdotes. The one thing
we have now is films about her – from her sons, from her speech coach, etc. I’ve
watched two so far, but I would like to watch more. The one from her sons is
the only one I really wanted to see. Unfortunately the CBC cut it to pieces,
making way for all of the commercials so I haven’t seen the entire thing. I
will eventually.
What I have watched shows what a loss she was to the royal scene, to the
royal world. Nothing can replace her. Hearing her voice makes it that much
sadder. I know people are sick of the specials, it is Diana overload. People
are skeptical of her side, but I ask, what harm do these really do? What harm
does remembering her do? It was become incredibly commercialized and I think
that is one of the reasons I haven’t collected. Not buying these magazines
allows me to keep her separate from the commercialization. I’m guilty of it,
but right now it bugs me.
So on the 20th anniversary of her death. I hope to remember
her the way she was. Reading tweets I see I’m not the only one taking note. People
are leaving flowers at Kensington Palace but I’ve never believed it would be
the same amount. Charles is getting a bad rap, as always. For today, let’s
remember her for the special person she was, not the polarizing figure we have
made her out to be.
RIP Diana.
© Marilyn Braun 2017
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