Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Forgive us Baby Cambridge, we just can't help ourselves

Dear Baby Cambridge,

Congratulations on your birth! We've been waiting a long time for you. In fact, Had you known the amount of hysterical interest and speculation following every stage of your existence, you might have chosen to stay in longer. And it would have been completely understandable, if not nerve wracking for the rest of the world.

But now that you're out in the world, there's no going back! Yay for us and your parents, you're too young to have second thoughts. Don't worry, that will come in time when the full weight of our suffocating interest dawns on you. Your parents may protect you physically and emotionally, but cannot prevent the inevitable crushing reality dawning on you.

See, here's the thing. Everyone loves babies. Royal babies possibly even more so because we don't have to take care of you. Like grandparents, we have the best of both worlds. We can take pride in you, and spoil you with attention, but at the end of the day we can close the book and turn off the TV, until the next time you do something the media deems adorable. Even if it is just drooling.

Like your mother, you can do no wrong. For now. You will be the perfect baby and no matter what your level of attractiveness, you will be deemed the most beautiful child in the world. You will be put on a very high pedestal which may seem fun at first, especially as it will get wobbly. Your parents have their work cut out keeping you grounded in reality. They have a hard enough time doing this for themselves, so this will be tough.

Then there's us, the public, with our insatiable interest, even pre-conception we were discussing you and while in utero we speculated on every single aspect of your existence, even betting on things like your name, weight and how you would be born. As we speak, there are people who bet on you being born vaginally congratulating themselves! How many others can say the same?

The media, at our behest, will dig for any detail. Unfortunately, nothing is off limits. We will know if you have been circumcised and a biography of the person who does so. No use hiding when you have your first solids, when you are weaned from the breast, and when you begin potty training. The media will find out, or make it up along the way. Books and magazine articles will be written about it, not to mention all of the royal experts weighing in! Forget baby memory books, the stages of your development will be in the public domain for you to be embarrassed about later.

All of that will come in time though. But today you took the first step towards that on the Lindo wing steps in your mother's arms. Waving, already a royal pro, you were completely oblivious to the hoopla, gun salutes, and people impatiently refreshing twitter feeds while waiting for you to appear. Enjoy your oblivion while it lasts. As you sleep we are already intruding on it.

© Marilyn Braun 2013

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